Street Lights On A Terrible Night

I'm just going to ramble, for your entertainment purposes. Get a kick out of it, steal a line or two.

People say to me through clouded walls how much they despise me. That really doesn't make me feel good. It could be one of two things. Either people hate me for no reason, or people hate me for a concrete reason. I'm guessing that its the second of those two choices. I guess I'm not the best person in the world, I'm not Mother Teresa, but I try. I don't try to be a saint, hell, I sin. I sin a lot. There's an amazing line from Little Nicky, "Sin Is Fun." God I love Adam Sandler. Basically, give me a break, I'm only human.

These past few weeks have been dull and depressing to say the least.

Tonight I realized that my biggest achievement in life, and pretty much the sole achievement in my life, is that I graduated High School with an advanced diploma. That depressed me.

When I feel lonely, I tend to cling onto memories of the past. I think about me and Jade, I think about me and Dani, I think about me and Stephanie, I think about me and Sammi, I think about me and Anna. Then I pop in a disc of One Tree Hill and watch how characters act what I portray as great couples. I'm such a girl sometimes.

On the upside, only a couple more days of probation, and I'll be a free man. I was talking to my mother tonight, and came to a conclusion. The reason I've been sober for past six months is because if I'm caught not being sober I'll be thrown in jail. Now when I'm not on probation and I get caught, I won't be thrown into anything, but rather out of my house. I want to find a girl to enjoy some sobriety with for the next year or so. That would make things easier.

Riddle me this. If a girl likes you, should she sleep with one of your best friends. I found out tonight that it is a valid decision. Its this new thing, like a right of passage. A girl must sleep with best friends before enjoying a tasteful relationship with a man. Just kidding, it just blows my mind.

Have you ever noticed how poetic a street light is when your tired and emotional. The light is small, and bright. There is an elliptical glow to it, that just surrounds that light, a kind of protection if you will. The lower your eye lids become, the brighter this glow gets. Small light strands shoot from the glow and light up an imaginary line across the dashboard. It makes it feel like everything this is cool, things can only get better because that light is fucking beautiful. Then you look over and realize the company you are sharing. Might as well turn off that street light.

Seems like a common occurrence in my life, street lights just love to go off.

I know I haven't been writing lately, and the letters will continue. I promise I won't make it a habit. It's just been really tough lately. I got sick and life loves to through fender benders my way. I don't even drive and I'm still accident prone.

Much love,

But for tonight, goodnight.