Friday night I drank for the first time since I've been at college. I went out with zero intention to drink, but because of other occurrences, I decided to throw a few cold ones back. A few cold ones turned into a lot of cold ones. I called my parents to tell them that I had been drinking to hear their extremely displeased voices on the other end of the phone line. This lead to a Breathalyzer when I finally came home. Instead of the .08 or .09 that I was expecting, it was a .16. I think it was increasing too.
My parents aren't the most lenient of parents. They have some strict rules. I'm 19 years old so something they really can't fight. My mother smokes cigarettes, so to tell me not to would be quite ridiculous, although they do tell me not to do it in the house and to do it while they aren't looking, understandable in my eyes. I'm also not supposed to drink a drop. Since I'm back at home because of a "drinking problem" I understand that too. But sometimes, I just don't want to understand it.
I'm a 19 year old who had just experience living on my own for the first time. No rules, no regulations. If I wanted to stay up till dawn on my back deck looking at the sun rise with a girl, with a cigarette in my right hand and a beer in my left, I did. All three, the girl, the cigarette, and the beer, aren't exactly allowed right now for me. Its just a hard transition, and all I want to do is say sorry that I screwed up, and that I really am trying my hardest to keep under control for the first time in my life.
Sometimes they just don't listen.
PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN
Everyone is judged, but I feel like I've been judged in a very unpleasant manor. People who know me, I mean really know me, love me. People who don't, don't seem to understand me and tend to not like me. Everyone goes by what other people say. That guy plays girls, that girls a slut, that guy is such a Jesus freak, that girl doesn't give out, that guy is a nerd, that girl is stuck up. Why can't people give people a break.What if that guy that you don't talk to because of the rumor you hear is your soul mate? Or your new best friend? What if that girl you don't think is amazingly attractive is quite possibly the coolest person in the world to you? I just think people need to give people a break, like my pool.
Winter Summer Winter Summer
Years and I'm still the same person
Spring Fall Spring Fall
Years and I'm still fighting
Winter Summer Winter Summer
Years and I can't stop thinking of you
Spring Fall Spring Fall
Years and I haven't taken a break
-Cam
My pool rests for 6 months of the year. Just sits there and rests. No body is bothering it or telling it what to do. No one is telling it to get a job or start taking classes. No one is telling it to find a girl friend or to stop being a whore. No one is telling it to be a good pool. Everyone gives that pool a break because they know that when its opened, its going to give everyone a great time. People are going to swim in to, run and jump into it, dive into it, play in it. People are going to enjoy a great summer with it. The pool even understands when you pee in it.
I want a break, wrap me up for the next winter. Look forward to me being unwrapped. I want a break.
I need a break.
I won't get one, just isn't my time yet.
But for tonight, goodnight.
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