Relationship?!?! DOUBLE YOU TEE EEEFFFF

Yeah okay, I wanted to write about relationships but its going to be extremely hard for me to do so since I don't even understand my own point of view on them. Do I like them? Do I want one?

See all throughout high school I became accustomed to being in a relationship, or I should say relationships. Yet all throughout college it has been the extreme opposite. So I really do not know.

What is a relationship?
People pretending to be married? People pretending to care? Or maybe they actually do care, but care for what? I think we can all come to the conclusion that when you first meet a girl and think to yourself "Hey shes pretty cool, I might want to date her." they don't think of the outcome of that thought. The outcome that almost all relationships come to an end. Very few relationships, in the grand scheme of things, end in marriage. By this I mean, look at married people. The person they married, usually, isn't the first person they ever dated. So I'll do a little guesstimation. Lets say, for this purpose only, everyone gets married and doesn't get a divorce ever. Lets also say that everyone dated 5 people before they got married. that means that 1/6 of the people that you hung out with in a girlfriend boyfriend manor doesn't mean anything in the long run. So in saying that instead of thinking "Hey shes pretty cool, I might want to date her." you should be thinking "Hey shes pretty cool. I might want to marry her." right? I mean isn't that what dating is supposed to be like, a trial run for marriage.

Or maybe its not. Maybe its just to have the illusion that you are loved for a little bit. I know I would love that illusion right about now.

So in no way shape or form am I saying I think relationships are bad. I just don't really understand them.

FOR EXAMPLE: I've dated a couple really awesome girls in my past. They were gorgeous, funny, great to be around, and we shared so many great moments. Now, I barely talk to half of them. Is it worth it? Is it the months of being together and having a fantastic time worth the eternity of not talking? This excludes the painful endings. The heart breaks and the feeling of hollowness the takes months and months to get over isn't particularly fun. I look back at my relationships and literally become sad because I can't have those feelings anymore. Is it worth it? Is it worth it if it isn't forever?

I met this girl, I'll call her Annabel. She seems really perfect. We chat on Facebook all the time. We hang out every now and then, party a little bit. Everything about her attracts me to her. Shes got a great sense in music, and piercings and tattoos. (which I am a total sucker for) I think to myself, I could date her. And I totally believe that we could have a great time, share those little but amazing moments together. Riding in the front seat blasting music singing at the top of our lungs. Laying down holding hands and just taking it all in. Dancing to a slow song while her heads on my shoulder. Waking up every morning to a good morning. Going to bed every night with a goodnight. But is it worth never talking to her again after 6 months or a year or 3 years. I just don't know. And for that my tongue isn't going to tell her how I feel. At least for the time being.

I wrote a poem, or its lyrics. I haven't really fit it to music yet so I will call it a poem.

We just want something different, different things, Different reasons, I want someone to say good morning to, someone to say goodnight to, I want to have a first kiss, stupid fights, I want a reason to look at my phone again, I want a reason to say I love you again, so this is me telling you it's not you it's me.

-Cam

When I came back from college I started something with an old ex. At first, she was all about being with me. I've know her for years and it was great to connect with her again. I fell for her hard. Well I don't know if falling for her are the right words. Lets say the feelings came back extremely fast. I was happy again for the first time in a very long time. But it ended swiftly, for reasons I am still confused about. Before we sparked things up, we talked quite a bit. Every now and then we would spend an hour on the phone catching up. Laughing and having a great time just listening in through the airways. Now, all there is a slew of one word texts and saying there's an occasional call would be heavily exaggerating.

Is it worth it?

Your face is in my flashbacks, your scent still stains my bed, your smile brings me to my knees while your lips crush my dreams, your eyes pierce my heart and your breath still gives me shivers, why are your tears still soaking my shoulder, you broke my heart remember

-Cam

So for all those in a relationship, I really hope, from the bottom of my heart, that it works out. For all those who aren't, I hope you find a good one, and one that lasts. In my eyes, love is the best and yet the most painful feeling a human can possibly possess. Is it worth it?

For tonight, Goodnight