Stars

I walked outside with the intention of figuring out what I was going to write about tonight. I could hear the music playing in my bedroom, thinking about how I really didn't care that it was late. People walking past my window every night can have a little bit a good music pressed into their minds for the evening. Not many people get that opportunity to actually listen to good music with all the crap circling through the pop airwaves. Sorry Justin Bieber, your just not good.

To get back to what I was actually going to write about, I looked up. I tend to always look up when I think. I don't understand why, but I don't understand a lot of things. Like why people spell "a lot" "alot". Its wrong.


I looked up at the stars. I love the stars. The first thing that came to mind was that it really sucks to live in an area with so much urban light. The stars are completely faded. I got to feeling depressed, that the kids in the middle of no where in Montana or something could see millions of stars while I'm stuck with only a handful. A beautiful handful I must say, but still only a handful.

That is the wrong way to think. Why do I wish that I could see more stars? Why don't I just appreciate the stars that I do see. That's how wrong I am, that's how wrong everyone is. So many people don't appreciate the things they have and its sad. I've read on Facebook and other blogs and such, everyone is complaining. I think I have a lot of room for complaining, and in no way am I saying I don't complain, but I shouldn't, at all.  There's always those kids in New York City, that can't see any.

I have no car, no girlfriend, no job. I basically got kicked out of college, leaving many of my friends behind. I live most days behind my computer, or fixing a mop to clean a place where people go to AA meetings everyday. I got charged for drinking a a couple beers in college, while there are kids overdosing on e, I'm doing community service for drinking a beer. I think I have room to complain when compared to the average nineteen year old, but I shouldn't. I'm going to stray away from the common conformist.

Like spring time dating. Why does everyone feel the need to be in a relationship the instant the sun is a little closer to the earth. Do you forget about all the different women in bikinis? Why commit now for gods sakes? Who knows why people do what people do.

"Why the hell is life so complicated? Someone explain."

"Homework  :( ugh so much. it sucks"

I mean I'm not one to stalk but those were the last two status updates that I saw. I'm not trying to sound like a mom trying to feed her kid the crust of their PB&J but there are starving kids in Africa who relay on a simple net to keep them alive. Theirs teens, in your country that have lost a dear friend today, from suicide, from drunk driving, from overdosing, from foul play.

Our lives are good.

My life is good.

The sooner I truly realize this, I'll be much happier. Embrace the fact that all I'm doing is 150 hours of community service and not burying my friend, or my brother. That someone I know hasn't been diagnosed with a terminal disease. I'm not going to permanently paste a smile on my face, but I'm going to feel better about the things I do everyday. I'm not going wonder why I don't have someone to watch the sunrise with, but to be able to watch the sunrise for a new day. A great day.

For tonight, goodnight.