Long Roads Suck

Everything lately feels like it is going inch by inch, step by step. Everything is paced and boring. I wake up, go to class, come back from class, study for the next class.

My life in a nut shell.

My social life is nonexistent and the only thing I have left is living vicariously through my friends who tell me stories. There is the occasional lunch with a friend or dinner with a girl, but nothing to jump and celebrate about.

July fourteenth, stay good, stay clean. Its not hard for me, I can not drink. I can not smoke, I never liked smoking that much anyway. Being good is not a question, its going to happen.

But what kills me is my lack of seeing people, and hanging out with people. I am stuck at looking at Facebook every now and again seeing the smiles and the joy. Its really not that fun, I lived it for years and never looked at myself in a picture and said "hey, I look really happy." It was just "Hey, look how stupid I look, I guess I drank too much."

What really gets my is my friends who I have utterly explained the situation to and they call me, "Hey Cam trying to get a case and chill on it?" Are you serious? No I've told you I quit. I guess people don't believe that I'm one to stop, I'm stronger than most think.

I was actually told by a girl that I am no fun, I don't like to have fun, and I don't like to party. I've never gotten that before, its usually the radical opposite.

At least it was, and I'm okay with that. Everyone needs to grow up.

I don't like not having a social life, I've never been in a situation like this. Not only is it that common thing that brings people my age together is boos, drugs and parties, but its that I am home from college. I left this place along time ago not thinking I would be back, not at nineteen.

Burned bridges that I never knew I would need again, I have got to stop playing with fire.

Step by step, July fourteenth, its coming. And that will be the first of my big steps. I'm stuck in baby shoes and there's nothing I can do about it. Sure I'm an adult, I don't have to be faithful to my parents and totally disregard what they think is best, but in the long run, why? That's just another bridge I don't want to be burned. I've caused them enough heartache as it is.

Future is uncertain, it always is. Stick to the plan lets make it better. I can only do my best, which for the first time, I'm actually striving for.

This is probably the most boring thing you have ever read, and extremely repetitive, but right now, there really isn't much interesting about my life. Sure I could say I'm lonely and I miss being with someone and how life sucks and blah blah blah. But I think I'll stay positive.


Who knew Jenny Humphrey could rock.

 

But for tonight, goodnight.