Its Been Awhile

I haven't done this in awhile. I don't know if I should even do this now. I have just found myself in an extremely dark place recently and the last time I found myself here I started this. I know what I want to write about, but I don't know how. I don't know how to be open like I used to be, I feel like that has been taken away from me.

Positive thinking is what gets me by now-a-days. Being absolutely optimistic is the only way to make it through the day. I guess I'm just here to vent a little.

I am a server at a restaurant in Tyson's Corner. I enjoy working there. I mean I'd love to publicly say my real feelings about it, but I feel like that will come back to haunt me in the future. Isn't that something? Wanting to say something but hindered by the chance that saying it will ultimately get your job taken away from you. I thought there was still freedom in things. But in all reality I do enjoy working there, I just feel like I am being taken advantage of and not fully appreciated.

Its funny, my job and life tend to parallel one another.

I'm also moving out of my house. I don't know if this is the right thing to do right now, or if I am making just another stupid mistake, but I need a change. I've needed a change for awhile.

I think the worst part of being in this darkness I've surrounded myself with is the utter loneliness. I've built a wall that only one person can penetrate and that person has left me. Sleepless nights turn into meaningless days and I can have a real conversation with only a handful of individuals on this earth.

It really bothers me looking back at my life. All the friends that I have made just to lose contact and never keep in touch. I miss you, all of you.

I understand this post is all over the place and meaningless to most, but I needed to do it.

But for tonight, goodnight.