Letter 22 - Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance To

Dear Love Life,

I know this sounds weird, that I am writing to my own love life, but its true, I want to give you another chance. My past two years, as far as my love life goes, has been quite uneventful. I blame this entirely on me. Its not that I haven't met anyone, is that I truly don't give many people a chance to get close to me. I make up lame excuses about different things to put a space between me and people that are interested in me. I just don't want to get hurt, I guess I'm not very risky.

Close friends of mine have given me the advice to go for it, to make it work. I usually shoot down this idea fairly quickly, because if I find a girl I really connect with, I get scared. I don't want to get attached so much that when it ends it alters my way of life, and my way of thinking. I like the way I think, I like the way I do things. Past girlfriends have changed the way I think and the way I do things. I don't mean this in a pushy way, like someone trying to get me to quit bad habits or that instead of coming home to listening to music and fooling around with friends, I would go out with a certain girl. I mean totally altering a state of mind. For example: a girl breaks your heart, you tend to look at couples and despise them for the sheer fact that they are together and happy. That is an altered state of mind.

I write this because I do want to have a relationship again, but at the same time I subconsciously push them away. I tell myself I am not extremely interested, when in fact, I am. I am hesitant to ask certain girls out for a dinner or a movie because I know that, for the most part, I wear my heart on my sleeve and can fall extremely fast for the right girl. I want the challenge and fulfillment of a relationship, and yet I don't want an altered state of mind.

As I read what I just typed out, I am extremely selfish. I want all the good without the bad. I want the goodmornings and the goodnights without the chaotic arguments. I want the kisses and the I love yous without the tears and the pain. I want the new relationship feelings without the heartbreak feeling. This is virtually impossible, and as much as someone can wish, it will not happen.

This is me saying to you, love life, that I want to try and pursue you more so than I have in the last couple months. This is me saying to you that I will not come up with excuses not to get close to girls I am attracted to. This is me saying to you that it is about time for me to commit to a special someone.

The guy that wants to give you a second chance,
Cam

But for tonight, goodnight.