I Tend to Breakdown

I've been listening to Enter Shikari none stop. I'd just like to let everyone know.

I love to breakdown. My music taste is very much pointing to a hardcore sense. I love bands that get into it and breakdown. I love to mosh at a great show and get physical with the guy right next to me just to shake hands afterwords in complete awe of the show. I saw Asking Alexandria and We Came As Romans a little less than a month ago and it was absolutely amazing. If you don't like this kind of music, I'm very sorry. You are missing out. There's a sense of power in a good breakdown, sometimes followed by an even more powerful solo. Breakdowns in the beginning, in the middle, in the end. It's an amazing time of the song just to go crazy and express who you really are. Throw a fist, hit the guy next to you by accident. Dance like a complete fool, its acceptable, hell I do it all the time. Electro break downs are fantastic in their own way. Do a quick two step and move like you're embarrassed to. It's acceptable.

As much as I love talking about music, and how easy it flows out of me I want to talk about another kind of breakdown. An emotional breakdown.

I'm debating whether or not to write about this, because no one knows this about about me. This blog is supposed to chip away at the wall I put around myself, and just express honesty so here I go.

From time to time, I have some intense emotional breakdowns. I cry. When I start it just all comes out, and I'm sorry for the people around me because it looks pretty pathetic. I just let tears loose and sometimes for the most minuscule reasons.

Yesterday I broke down. It all came out, everything happening with my community service and this probation. The fact I don't have money to rely on, that I'm a nuisance to my parents. I don't have much of a social life and I just don't function like I used to. I defined myself as a party boy, and whats a party boy who doesn't party do? I spend the majority of my time sitting at my computer, watching old episode of girly television shows. (Yes, I watch many, not just because the girls are quite attractive, but because I really enjoy watching them. Ask me about it, the list of shows I watch goes for awhile.)

I broke down for a small reason yesterday. It was because I wanted a spicy chicken sandwich and didn't get it. I sound like a four year old kid, crying over a spicy chicken sandwich, but I guess the best reason I can to explain it is that I've given up so much, why must I give up my weekly chicken sandwich. God I love that spicy chicken sandwich so much. Its so much built up, and that spicy chicken sandwich just put it over the top.

Its very embarrassing. But that is the way I express myself once in a blue moon. I don't want to give the impression that I'm a cry baby and that if things don't go my way the spoiled brat inside of me goes crazy till I do. But I do breakdown every once in awhile. It sucks but it happens.

Somethings I can change about who I am, but other things I just can't. I think this is one of them, sometimes it really just needs to come out.

But for tonight, goodnight.