Letter 11 - A Deceased Person I Wish I Could Talk To

The reason this blog is coming out so late at night is because I really couldn't think of anything. Most of these letters have been directed to people before my college experiences. I think that I was much more myself before I went to college, I was a lot closer to my friends before college, I was a better person. So naturally I thought of people that past away before I went to college and narrowed it down to my grandfather. The thing about that, though, is that I really don't know what I would share with my grandfather. We were never extremely close and he doesn't know the guy I grew to, he doesn't know the mistakes I've made. I didn't want to write a letter to him explaining who I am now to him, I'm sure he's watching over me and knows who I am.

This lead me to think forward to college. Last December one of my pledge brothers took his own life, and I miss him. There's a lot that was unsaid and there's a lot of questions I have for him.

Dear Ray,

What happened man, what made life take such a turn for the worst that you had to do what you did? I remember only a few days before I heard the news I texted you, saying happy Gamma Mu Day, and you replied wishing you were here with us. I told you next year, and you replied definitely.

I know you and me weren't the closest of pledge brothers, but you were like a big brother to me, and a lot of the other pledge brothers. You were older and, in a sense, looked over us. We called you grandpa for a reason, and it wasn't just your age.

You were a fantastic guy, and an even better brother. You stood strong in the trenches with us, and made it through without a hitch. It just really blows my mind.

Its the fact that you aren't around anymore. I've never lost someone, not the same way I've lost you. Like I said, I know we were not the closest of brothers, but I always thought you were going to be around. At least a phone call or text away. It just really sucks. We were a strong seventeen, and we will always be a strong seventeen, but one of the links, as strong as it was, left us, and made the chain a little shorter.

I was looking for pictures of us, and there really isn't any. I wish we took a good picture together Ray.

I'll always miss you.

Your brother,
Cam

But for tonight, goodnight.